All of Me
by Shellie3
Summary: Buffy thinks about Angel during the days surrounding her graduation.


Authors Note: This is my first attempt at angst, and also my first attempt at songfic. When I heard this song (Which, by the way, is "All of Me", by Evanescence, and no, I don't own it) it made me think of Buffy and Angel, and I was inspired to write this. Read and review, but please no flames or dissing of the B/A ship!  
  
Disclaimer: Like I said, "All of Me" belongs to Evanescence, not me, and Buffy certainly doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Joss.  
  
Summary: Buffy thinks about Angel during the days surrounding her graduation.  
  
All of Me  
  
"I'm so tired of being here, Suppressed by all my childish fears,"  
  
Tomorrow was graduation. In many normal teens lives, this was a time of. well, at the least, relief. High school was over. Not for Buffy. Of course not. She still had to worry about the Mayor turning into a giant snake demon at his "Ascension." Had to worry about her classmates, and friends, and whether they would survive their graduation day. 'And Angel.' She thought. 'I have to worry about Angel.'  
  
"If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave, Because your presence still lingers here, and it wont leave me alone"  
  
'Why?' Buffy thought. 'Why did he have to stay? He dumped me. Said he doesn't love me. Broke my heart into a million pieces, on the day before my prom. And then he had the nerve to show up there! And THEN he told me he was staying to help out. If he doesn't care, then why doesn't he just leave already?' Buffy wished he would.  
  
"These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase"  
  
Buffy was looking out the window of her bedroom. It was a warm night and the wind was blowing gently through the open window. Buffy could remember the warm nights just like this one that she had patrolled with Angel on. Remembered the day, just a few weeks ago, though it seemed like forever, that had been just like this one. Angel had broken up with her. Tears streamed down Buffy's face. It just wasn't fair.  
  
"When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears, If you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of theses years You still have all of me."  
  
Buffy remembered the beginning of her senior year, when Angel had come back from the hell dimension she'd sent him to. He'd been wild, ferocious, and animalistic. And she'd helped him get over it. She had even saved him on Christmas Eve, on the hill; given him back his will to live. And now he had taken away hers.  
  
"You used to captivate me by your resonating light Now I'm bound by the light you left behind Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me"  
  
Buffy thought back even farther, to the days just after her seventeenth birthday, when she had caused Angelus to return once more. Remembered how everything he did to her friends, God, everything he had done to HER, had driven her nearly to her breaking point. She had very nearly gone as insane. 'And, somehow, this is worse. Back then; there was hope that Angel would come back. And now, this is Angel. He's making the decisions here. And I know he's not coming back. He'll never come back.' With that thought, Buffy put her pajamas on and got into bed. It took a long time to fall asleep.  
  
"These wounds wont seem to heal. This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase"  
  
The next morning, when all the members of their graduating class were preparing to leave high school, Buffy and the Scooby Gang were getting ready for a battle. It was all they could think about. Or at least, for everyone besides Buffy it was. 'Angel's leaving after today, if he makes it. What if he doesn't makes it?' she thought, 'So what if he doesn't make it,' she told herself, 'It's over anyway.' Buffy couldn't quite believe that, but it got her angry, and angry was what she was going to need to get through today.  
  
"When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears, If you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of theses years You still have all of me."  
  
It was over. She had graduated. The battle was fought. The Mayor was gone. The entire school was gone. And still, all Buffy thought 'Angel.' As the fire trucks and ambulances and news cameras arrived, it was 'Angel.' And then she saw him.  
  
"I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along"  
  
She stared into his eyes. He stared into hers. For one moment, they both believed they had a chance. But one moment is short, and the thought didn't last. Without saying a word, he turned around and walked away, into the smoke, which seemed so fitting of her Angel. 'His big exit,' she thought, 'of course he has to be the hero. The one making sacrifices for the good of the world. Well I didn't want sacrifices. All I wanted was him. And if it's so easy for him to leave, then maybe he doesn't love me as much as he claimed he does. Maybe, since I can't go after him, maybe I don't really love him as much as I thought I do.'  
  
"When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears, If you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of theses years You still have all of me."  
  
Again thinking of their past, she realized that no matter how hard she tried to convince herself of this, she would never truly believe it. Tears finally came. "Goodbye my Angel," she whispered into the night where he had disappeared.  
  
All of me.  
  
Standing on the hill outside the mansion, where he had tried to end his life at Christmastime, he turned around and whispered, almost in reply, although he had no idea of the words she had whispered to him, "Goodbye Buffy. I'll love you forever. You'll always have all of me." And he walked away. 


End file.
